I don't care that you bought a cow on Farmville, you freak

OK, so I'm just going to assume everyone in the world uses Facebook. Much like Google, it's just taken over the world.

I'm also going to assume that everyone has someone they once went to primary school/a conference/camp when they were 17 with who like to play Farmville/Fishville/Mafia Wars/Bejewelled (my personal favourite) or whatever.

Firstly, can I just say, if you are one of those people, don't spam your wall with that crap. I don't care that you play it - it's your life you're spending harvesting imaginary crops for imaginary profit to expand your imaginary farm - but I don't care what your farm/restaurant/aquarium/pet shop/whore house looks like (actually, I might care about the last one, sounds like a fun game, does Whoreville/Prostitute City exist yet?) We're on Facebook to catch up with those people we like, to see status updates and photos and get invited to cool events we never would have known about previously. We just do not care about your lost sheep, sorry.

The good news is, if you're like me and you hate that crap, you can get rid of it!

I've gone through my feed and below is a nice step-by-step of how to remove those annoying applications you hate. When you hide something, you hide it forever. You can undo it later via Preferences but really? Why would you want to?

So here is one application I haven't yet hidden from my news feed. Something about Crazies. I don't need to know much to know I don't care, so what do I do?

Hover your mouse over the awful application. You see that 'Hide' button that just appeared? Yeah, click it.

Now, I know you're probably thinking you'd like to hide your friend for spamming you, and you can if you'd really like to - he/she will never know - but do that after you've done this - click that Hide [Stupid Application Name] - this means that all those other friends buying milkshakes in imaginary restaurants or losing pigs or hoolahooping with Tallulah in Hawaii won't spam you either. In fact, you'll never see anything from that application again.

Instead you can become a fan of not being on fire, like that photo of your friend dancing on a table at a skeezy club on Saturday or comment to your heart's content about a friend's new job or baby.

Ah Facebook, how were we ever irrelevant and inane without you?