Lost in the waves

I'm facing a bit of an identity crisis at the moment. I've spent a number of years coming to terms with who I am, and now I'm wondering if who I thought I was is actually who I am - if that makes any sense.

I feel like I'm trapped. There's no one really I can talk to about how I'm feeling because I don't know anyone who have been in my boat. I know people who have been in similar-ish situations, but not close enough to really talk it out. I've looked for support groups and the like, but the only thing that really caters to me has stopped running and my only alternative is really private counseling - which isn't quite what I want.

I have friends who are more than open to talking about it, but unfortunately, none of them can answer my questions. None of them can quite relate to what I'm going through, and that makes me feel very alone.

I've found a couple of helpful websites but right now, I feel washed out to sea. I know I'm hardly the first person to go through any of this, but that's how it feels.

There's a giant leap I think I need to take, but I don't think I'm ready and I'm not sure I have the courage to turn my world upside-down like that.

This whole thing feels like I've just been surprised by a big wave on a surf beach and I'm running out of air and I'm helplessly tumbling in the ocean, hitting my head and struggling for the surface, if only I could work out which direction that was in.

It's confusion and it's pain, and I need help finding my feet.