Just a tip

If you invite someone to stay at your house, and then kick them out unexpectedly with a flimsy, fabricated excuse, don't let evidence of your deception be posted on Facebook on Monday morning.

Especially if you're going to do it to me, because my intuition would have already told me you're lying, I will see it, I am smart enough to make those connections and I'm not a very forgiving person.

I'm happy to take things at face value, and I'll always believe what my friends tell me, but finding out someone has deliberately lied to me because they don't want to spend time with me? When it's one of my so-called 'best friends'?

Nope, that stuff doesn't fly with me.

So, to the two who told me lies and then had a grand old time without me, let me say this...

1. You didn't have to let me stay in the first place
2. You could have been honest about asking me to leave - it would have been preferable, however one more night wouldn't have killed you
   
3. I would have preferred to have heard your excuses from my close friend and not have her boyfriend do the dirty work instead
4. You didn't have to invite me out - I'm capable of finding things to do myself and you're not responsible for my entertainment or happiness, if you wanted to enjoy yourselves with your friends you just had to say
   
5. Finally, perhaps a look at what you're turning into could be good for you. Maybe I offended you or annoyed you in some way, but no-one deserves this treatment. It's one thing to stop being over-nice to everyone, it's another to be complete assholes to a friend.

Photos from Wellington

Just a few piccies from this trip to Wellington...

Some guys randomly passed out at Chaffer's Park

Hitchin' a ride...

View from our picnic spot

New hair colour

Beautiful view of the waterfront

Christmas - I might (secretly) like it

There aren’t many things I like about Christmas. Simply put, years of family disasters, over-extended expectations that reality never met and the tacky commercial carols and decorations that appear in stores earlier each year have really put me off.

For a number of years I found the best Christmases were the ones where I studiously avoided the event and spent the day sitting infront of the TV watching a stack of old movies, eating fine foods and drinking wine, by myself, all day.

That all started changing, however, when my mother decided she was going to make Christmas enjoyable. That year, all the old tacky tinsels went in the bin, the decorations got replaced, the meals got planned, the tables were designed and suddenly, Christmas felt like Christmas.

One of the things that made it feel like Christmas was because it looked like Christmas. The tree was co-ordinated, as was the table setting. I’ve always been a fan of English Christmases, with beautiful trees, interesting ornaments and a colour scheme. It’s hard to make a tree look good when your decorations look like a demented rainbow of the cheapest Made-In-China decorations sourced from The Warehouse in last year’s Boxing Day sales.

It’s with that attitude in mind, I can confess the first thing (of three) that I actually like about Christmas – the Kirkaldie and Stains Christmas Shop.

Kirks has always done amazing ‘event’ pop up stores. While living in Wellington I used to love buying a selection of beautiful Easter Eggs from Kirks for my flatmates, and I make an effort to get to the Christmas shop whenever I get a chance.

If I were to design my own perfect Christmas, it would look a lot like the Kirks Christmas store; big, lush trees, with colour co-ordinated baubles. For the most part, there’s no tinsel – tinsel is a personal pet peeve of mine – but for the entire trip around the store you feel like you are enshrined in the magic of Christmas – and it takes a lot to make me feel like that.

One of the highlights was the series of miniature houses which can be combined to create a miniature English village celebrating Christmas. The detail and range of the buildings was stunning, While I mightn’t necessarily want them at my Christmas table, Dane and Shera had a point when they said that they’d be great for creating a truly spectacular and memorable Christmas for grandchildren.

The great thing about the Kirks store is the fantasy it embodies. Every part of it is a Christmas spectacular and, unlike The Warehouse, it’s beautifully presented. You see the ornaments on the trees and get ideas for your own tree and decorations.

A Christmas wonderland.

Something new to me

I’m in Wellington and for the first time ever I’m not really enjoying it.

It’s great to see my friends, and I love this city to pieces but now I have something I love more, someone to miss.

It’s painful. It makes me just want to jump on the next plane and go home.

It’s kind of pathetic. I’ve spent the last decade of my life being strong and independent - and I like my life that way. To suddenly be so in love with someone that you want to spend every moment of every day with them – even when that’s at the expense of your own life and your own plans... this is completely new to me.

Don’t get me wrong, this is everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m so, so happy, but it’s also very scary. To go from such prolonged and ingrained independence to wanting to be with someone so completely in such a relatively short period of time (around 2 months) is overwhelming, but I’ve found someone who gets me and loves me despite my quirks and all those things I hate about myself. Regardless of how scared and afraid I am, this is one of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had and I’m not about to run away just because the situation is a little scary.

Instead I’m sitting in Wellington on a Friday night, blogging, texting Auckland and watching Nick and Norah again, waiting until Sunday night when I can get on a plane and go home again.

Blogging

I've decided to go with an 'as often as I can' approach to this blog.

Perhaps one day I will feel like coming back to it every day, but for now it's kind of killing me - because I simply don't have the time, many of the things I want to talk about are things I'm not comfortable publishing online and because writing every day does kill your desire to write.

So for now I'll talk about the important things, the things that touch me, the things I love and the things I hate - which will hopefully increase the quality somewhat and allow me to concentrate on writing good blogs. I'll still aim to post extremely regularly, however it's about quality, not quantity now.

Sydney Baby

Yesterday, A decided we're going to Sydney in February. The plan is to go to Wicked (a show I've wanted to see since I first heard of it's existence years and years ago), Spring Awakening and be there for Mardi Gras.

What's a girl to do but jump on board and enthusiastically agree?

This will be my first overseas trip and will involve some sacrifices on my part, but it's exciting.

First goal: find accommodation!

Is my relentless obsession with myself finally paying off?

Today I got shortlisted for Kiss My Arts, a blogging project which, if I were ultimately chosen, would involve me and 5 others, going to shows put on by The Edge and blogging about our experiences.

It's a wicked opportunity.

Looking at the shortlist I'm up against a number of people I know personally and I think I'm up against some tough competition, but I decided a week ago to start volunteering and putting my hat in the ring and just see what life throws at me.

So sometime in the next week I have to do something, and then I have to blog about it, and that blog will be what I am ultimately judged on.

It's all very exciting.

The missing posts.

Yes, I'm hopeless.

For the past few months I've been missing (and making up for later) posts all over the show. Going back, there are currently at least 8 missing posts, not including the ones I haven't posted this weekend.

Things aren't going to get better. Simply put, if I continue to blog daily, there is going to continue to be posts that really don't say anything at all. There always has been posts like that, but it's been a lot worse lately because I just honestly haven't had the time.

So it's back to that decision. I could decide to give up daily blogging entirely - many of my posts haven't been to a standard that for a while there I was hitting every day; I could simply say I will attempt to blog daily, but if I miss a day, I miss a day and that's just too bad; I could decide to blog Monday-Friday and take weekends off; or I could get tough on myself and force myself into this daily blogging grind every day, with punishments and rules.

I'm tempted to go with the attempting option. There are days where I've got no problems writing blog after blog after blog - and those are the days that it's easy to go back and fill in the spaces - but often it's a grind. The simple fact is I love this project, but it's hard - and with the way my life is filling with people and events and work, I simply don't have the time on some days.

So, any opinions out there?

I miss Creepy Santa

Today I got my first real look at the new Whitcoulls Santa and I'm not such a fan.

I used to love Creepy Santa with his 'come here' finger and his lazy eye and now he's all... jolly, and surrounded by reindeer and presents.

He doesn't move, he's missing something.

Good on Whitcoulls for choosing to reinvent Santa and for keeping an Auckland tradition alive, but I really do miss the creepy version.

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone

Tonight Caine dragged me out to see Casiotone for the Painfully Alone at Cassette Number 9. My plans had been changed at the last minute and he had been planning to head along for a while, but didn't have any company. Suddenly finding myself free I thought 'why not?' (which, come to think about it is a pattern with concerts I've been seeing lately).

With a fair amount of vino in us, we jumped in a cab and went down. For the first half an hour we chilled on the balcony with cheap Japanese beer and chatted to strangers while the opening acts played.

Once they were over, we headed in, checked out the merchandise table and got some pretty nice spots for the main act.

I'd been warned by Caine that the music was somewhat depressing, and let's face it, the name of the act alone kinda gives that away, but boy - it really wasn't the kind of thing to really get your weekend pumping.

In fact, I couldn't help but think, as I watched, "so this act is pretty much a fat man with man boobs singing about a girl who left him, probably 10 years ago" (yes, I'm mean when I'm drunk). Simply put, it wasn't my kind of music. The crowd seemed to enjoy themselves immensely, but I was soon getting texts from someone else which had me leaving the gig early (something that practically never happens).

Unfortunately, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone just isn't my thing, but still, live music is live music, right?

When things go right...

What a great way to end the week.

Today's been a great day. Busy, but not stressful. Every task that has come at me I've completed and sent off easily and efficiently. I've got a nice, relaxing weekend ahead of me and right now, everything is a box of fluffies.

Next weekend I'm in Wellington - which I'm both looking forward to and dreading. As much as I love Wellington, not being in Auckland isn't a prospect that fills me with warmth right now; the truth is I'm quite enjoying myself here.

But this weekend I am here and, apart from a little bit of work I'll probably have to attack on Saturday, I'm planning to enjoy it fully and just relax with my favourite people.

Bliss.

Oliver!

I don't get to see a lot of theatre. Firstly because I have to book ahead and the performances are specific and short-lived. Given that with things like movies I usually just decide-and-go, theatre's always just been off my radar. It's not something I dislike by any means, it's just something I rarely get to.

Since I've been in Auckland I've been to a few student productions at uni, but I haven't been to a professional theatre production since my grandmother took me to Talking Heads starring Dame Maggie Smith back when I lived in Wellington.

But last night I had an opportunity to see Auckland Theatre Company's production of Oliver! and it was awesome.

The one thing that I really loved was the set. I'm a movie girl - and it's likely I'll always be a movie girl - so I really love how the theatre uses it's limited space to create a range of situations. Unlike a film, which just goes to a location, the theatre has to use what it's got, and the spinning staircase managed to be an orphanage, a pub, a market, a hideout, a mansion and the London Bridge. Some might call the movies magic, but really, being able to take one structure and realistically turn it into at least 6 locations? That's magic.

The musical numbers were fantastically put together. It's not a jazz-hands performance, being from the older school of musicals, but that didn't mean they weren't entertaining or exciting in their own right - the tunes are still stuck in my head and I expect them to remain there for some time.

Finally, the cast were great. There were a couple of moments that seemed over-acted, but for the most part the show was very well put together. I was lucky enough to see a performance with Mitchell Hageman playing Oliver (there are two Olivers, the other being played by Conrad Edwards) and I was blown away by the presence of such a tiny person. Ultimately the entire cast worked great together to create a brilliant performance.

Tickets for Oliver! are pretty much sold out for the rest of the season, however if you're lucky enough to be holding tickets, you're in for a treat!

The BDO Shirt

Well, Beenie Man isn't playing the Big Day Out, but I still want to wear a t shirt supporting the cause.

Hence, I started thinking about it, and mocked up a quick design.

I'm looking to see if anyone's interested at this stage - costs etc can be sorted once we know how many people are keen. Obviously the more people wearing them at the Big Day Out, the cooler the concept becomes.

So if you might be keen, leave a comment or tweet me, let's get something going here.

Reevaluation

It's interesting, you really do get what you give.

Three months ago, I decided to give Auckland a chance and to try enjoy it, and right now, I love it here.

It's made me start rethinking things, reevaluating what's led me to make decisions I have and to start looking for new opportunities, to start thinking outside the square.

It remains that something has to change. Constant change is something I thrive on - having to adjust and adapt to new surroundings and challenges. There's a level of sameness in some aspects of my life that needs to change. I need something new, something challenging.

I've just got to keep my eyes open for that challenge to come to me.

Heeled

Today I decided to wear a pair of heels to work. Normally I wear flats and I like it that way; the heels are proving to be a bit of a problem.

Firstly, I can walk in them, but I can't walk at anywhere near the speed I can walk in flats.

Secondly, just putting my feet in some kind of position on the floor is a pain in the ass.

That said, they're pretty, and they match my handbag, and I love them.

Contrary to the image I project (or, more to the point, that my regular shoes project), I am a great shoe lover. Unfortunately, wide, flat, large feet have meant it's pretty difficult to find heels that are pretty, fit me, and don't fall apart in two seconds flat.

Luckily I found a store in Wellington that produces shoes at a price I can afford, in my size, that look fab, with some decent heels (i.e. not stilettos) that will support me and not grind into crappy stumps..

Now I just have to learn how to walk in the bloody things.

Beenie Man: The Saga Endeth

Humbled, that's how I'm feeling right now.

The Big Day Out have decided to pull Beenie Man from the 2010 line up.

To have been a part of this movement, to have had my voice heard and to have encouraged others to raise up and include their voice in this debate has been absolutely amazing.

I have done absolutely nothing I wouldn't have done in any other situation. I don't tolerate slander against people based on gender, race or sexuality - and freedom of sexuality is one of my pet causes. I don't believe what I did was particularly special, but I do think that someone needed to stand up and do it. I'm extremely proud that I had the courage of conviction to do it.

For music fans, I think it's important that the Big Day Out replaces Beenie Man with another reggae or dancehall act who aren't so controversial or hate-mongering. I feel it's important that the Big Day Out continues to embrace all genres of music, and at no point have I ever wanted to deprive fans of the music - I simply wanted to ensure that messages of hate against a dear community were not spread in such a way, at such an event.

This was bigger than me. The Facebook group today sits at 1,777 members. That's what the movement picked up in 6 days. I am merely one of the faces of it.

A big huge thank you and congratulations to @JessCann, @annaloren, GayNZ and Hannah at Gay Express Magazine for making such a huge difference and standing up for the basic human right to not be persecuted based on your sexuality. You all rock.

La vita è bella

Right now, life is grand.

Work isn't entirely sucky - I work with some great people, in a job that allows me to live my own life, and often fits in around things I have going on outside of it (for instance, when I needed to leave for the news interview yesterday on short notice, it wasn't an issue). There are always drinks on Friday, sometimes lunch is provided, there are no major work dramas and we all get along.

My personal life is going fantastically. There's someone in my life who makes me very happy.

I'm seeing some great bands, meeting people, eating well, drinking a lot and having a grand time.

Summer is coming up which right now includes seeing Jarvis Cocker, Green Day and Florence and the Machine - not to mention the many, many great bands lined up for Rhythm and Vines and the Big Day Out. I've got a lot to look forward to.

It's not all a ball of sunshine - there are some dramas and issues, but they come with life - without the bad, we wouldn't know exactly how good we have it.

World famous on the internet

Thanks to our Beenie Man Facebook group, I was interviewed for TV3 today by David Farrier.

It's a surreal experience. The story has been picked up by Radio Live, Kiwi FM, TV3, Prime News, Breakfast, Close Up, The New Zealand Herald, stuff.co.nz and several other international blogs.

MPs have started blogging about it, I've been hearing it on the news bulletin every hour all day.

Something we started is getting attention.

You can check me out on the news here.

Urgh, so tired

I'm super tired today. Despite this, I have managed to work productively all day and function. Actually, I'm learning to function better on less sleep these days...

...I do thank God for weekends however.

Really not too much to say today. Just tired, that's about it.

2010 BDO: The Second Announcement

Well, the second announcement was made today and I plan to go into more detail in a later post, but first of all I have to ask, what the hell were the organisers thinking?

Today an artist was named in the second lineup whose music contains anti-gay sentiment. His lyrics contain such gems as:

"I'm a dreaming of a new Jamaica, come to execute all the gays"

(sourced via The Independent)

"Hang chi chi gal wid a long piece of rope" [Hang lesbians with a long piece of rope]

(sourced via The Guardian)

"Tek a bazooka and kill batty-fucker" [Take a bazooka and kill gay men]

(sourced via The Guardian)

Charming huh?

As you could imagine there are a few people rather disappointed that such an artist has ended up on the Big Day Out 2010 bill. A few of us were talking and one of the girls from Twitter, @JessCann, set up a Facebook group this morning.

A group that tonight has 532 members - in under 12 hours.

It seems I'm not the only one who doesn't want something like this at the Big Day Out.

I don't want someone who has been known to sing this kinda stuff at the Big Day Out, which is like my version of Christmas. It's my favourite day of the year and this kind of thing goes against everything I stand for.

Beenie Man comes from Jamaica, where having gay sex is punishable by 10 years in prison. Jamaica is incredibly intolerant of homosexuality, and while I suppose Beenie's lyrics are reflecting his culture, they do not reflect the culture in New Zealand.

I'm still going to go to the Big Day Out, and I'm still going to enjoy myself, but I do not want this artist there. I'll wear a t-shirt that says that on the day; I'm exercising my right to free speech as well.

If you want to join the Facebook group, you can do so here.

Body Love

I mentioned in a previous post I was planning to blog more on my PCOS, and this is one of those posts. I'm writing this one for a couple of reasons - firstly because I think it's a valuable story - both as part of my own life and as a story others may be able to relate to - secondly because I like to use this blog as a way to push my own boundaries. Much of this is stuff I haven't even discussed with my best friends and therefore, this is pushing my boundaries substantially.

I've been overweight since primary school. I did have a normal weight for a few years there but somewhere around 9/10 I started, well, ballooning. I have a few theories as to why this was, but the one that's becoming increasingly more likely is my PCOS.

Since the age of 16 I have been a fairly constant weight. I've stayed within 5 kilos either side of this weight for over a decade. For the most part I've learned to ignore the scales. Over the years I've learned that the way I feel - my energy levels, my sleep patterns and my self confidence - are all helped by exercise and managing my diet, but my weight? It's never shifted. No matter how many hours I spent on the cross trainer, no matter how many times I walked to work, no matter how much I cut out of my diet, I always remained the same weight.

I also found myself getting kinda hairy. Many women find weird hairs as they get older, but I've always been extremely self conscious about mine.

Years ago, I googled my symptoms and gave myself a diagnosis of PCOS, but I never got it officially diagnosed. Partially because I hate going to the doctor, but mostly because it was easier to bury my head in the sand than it was to deal with it.

The net result? It's highly unlikely I'll ever have children, and I'm probably going to be on medication for the rest of my life. I haven't had a few of the tests yet (don't even get me started on the Auckland public healthcare system and their ability to send a letter...), but that's worst-case scenario and because I put off getting help for so long, it's likely that's what I'm facing.

Do I regret not getting tests, not telling anyone for so long? No. Surprisingly, I'm OK with not having children myself, and the medication isn't something that keeps me alive, it simply keeps symptoms at bay, helps the weight and evens my hormones - and I have considered coming off it at some point in the future.

What I do like is knowing for sure what is wrong with me. There's a lot to be said for a diagnosis. It doesn't do much for doing something about it - the simple fact is that this disease is part of my life and will be for the rest of my life - but there's a certain peace in being able to say 'this is me, this is what I have'.

'Cos you're there for me too

You know what I love about my friends? I love that they worry about me.

I love that Holly's attitude is (and I quote) -

"It's okay though - it's your job to enjoy yourself now and my job to do the worrying for you."

I love that my flatmate is constantly keeping my feet firmly on the ground, talking things through, making sure I don't go overboard.

I love that these people hold me back to a certain extent. I love that they give me such amazing, brilliant advice. I love that even though I don't always take that advice, they stand behind me regardless.

I'm lucky that I have such a great group of fantastic people behind me, and I'm extremely thankful they're there.

Pictures speak a thousand words

I know I've mostly been quiet of late, but I was going through my photos and thought I'd post some that chow what I've been doing instead of pouring my heart out into blogs.

Making scones

Scone aftermath

Scrabble madness

Photo from the Labour Weekend roadtrip of Mt Ruapehu. I love this photo right now.

Life so hectic I've developed severe caffeine addiction.

Can't help myself, 'cause baby, it's you

You know those days where the only things you want to say are things you can't actually blog about because you don't want your entire life in the public arena and you think some things should be sacred?

Yeah, it's one of those days.

Sadly, my mind is overwhelmingly filled with one thing, and I don't really want to publicly air it, so this will do.

Tommy Ill at Whammy

Tommy Ill last night was absolutely rocking!

After some flat interviews, a couple of friends came over for some pre-drinks at my place before we headed off down the road to find Whammy.

None of us had been there before and we took some time to find it, but once we did we were quite impressed. It's a sweet wee bar with booths and some awesome stuff on the walls and it's a great location for gigs.

We sat around for quite a while people-watching (and evesdropping on the 14-year old kids from one of the support bands, which proved to be an interesting experience), drinking Tiger and chatting before the two support bands.

The first band, Bandicoot, aren't really my thing, although they would have been when I was 15, so I mostly sat them out. Same again with 1995 who were tighter than Bandicoot, but weren't really what I was there for. I was there for Tommy Ill.

Tommy jumped on stage after midnight (not fantastic for those of us who had to be at work at 9am the next day but oh well) and rocked it. He's tight and he's entertaining and his raps are clever. It was a great show and it was great to see so many fans in the audience - one guy who was at least 40 with a big bushy beard and leather jacket dancing next to me knew all the words.

The show ended with the audience jumping on stage for an encore of Come Home Mr. Ill which was great fun - moshing with an audience and artists to a great song in a random club.

If you get the chance to see Tommy Ill play, take it. It's great fun.

I can't go home, hell no

I'm going to go see Tommy Ill tonight at Whammy Bar for the release of his new album, it's quite exciting.

If you're in Auckland and want something to do tonight, come down. It runs from 9.30pm, $10 on the door and free Tiger til it's gone.

In the meantime you can check Tommy out on his MySpace page.

The Wave

I've had my Google Wave invite for a few weeks now and I'm finally beginning to get it.

Now that it's getting to the stage where I know enough people on it to actually use and play with it and last night we discovered something - it's actually pretty fun!

The platform needs a whole lot of work - it's still quite clunky, we NEED to be able to turn off live-typing and navigation needs a few tweeks but other than that, I'm starting to see how this may be the future.

In the meantime, if you have Wave and want someone to Wave with. Add me, filmgeeknz@googlewave.com.

Melbourne Cup day

I've never bet on the Melbourne Cup or been part of Office Sweepstakes or anything like that, but this year our office is doing them and I thought 'why not?'

We've each put in $5 and drawn 4 horses. I drew Fiumicino (described as "comes into calculations if the track is wet"), Newport (encouragingly described as "Doubt he can figure in finish but deserves a run"), Harris Tweed ("Improvement needed to figure in the finish") and Mourilyan ("Facing a tough task but is proven at this distance. Minor claims.").

I have this funny feeling I can kiss that $5 goodbye.

Still, it's fun and it's a wee bit of excitement so it'll do me for my Melbourne Cup flutter.

I still don't see what the fuss is about but if I win the pot I guess I'm going to feel differently.

Mind our mouths and beware our talk

Tonight I got to interview strangers and work out if I want to live with them.

Finding a new flatmate is a shit of a job sometimes. You've all got 15 minutes to make an impression - it's like speed dating but at the end of it you actually stand to lose a fair bit if you make the wrong choice.

Luckily between my flatmate and myself, we have it down to a fine art: 20 minute slots, each person gets shown the room and then upstairs for the usual barrage of questions.

• What do you do?
• How old are you?
• What do you do in your spare time?
• Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
• What kind of music do you like?

Then they get the spiel on how much the room costs and how the flat works, then a 'well, if you're interested, let us know' and out the door for the next one.

The point where you know you've got a goodie or a baddie is usually during the questions. What we're really evaluating is not the answers themselves (although they do matter), rather the way you all get on and interact - is the conversation natural or forced? Are they giving you weird and not-quite-wonderful answers?

Of course we all end up with the nutbars from time to time - you get desperate or someone who seems normal at the interview turns out to be slightly psychotic - but for the most part that is the risk you run with flatting. It sucks, but there you have it.

Sloth

I love weekends where you do absolutely nothing, just lie in bed (preferably with company, but without is also fine), watch DVDs, eat yummy food and just relax.

They are my favourite kinds of weekends. I'm absolutely a homebody. I like going out, but I like staying at home with good company more.

I've had a few of these weekends lately, and this weekend I discovered Foodrunner.

For $6.50, a man will go to a restaurant, order your food and bring it to your house, where you can pay with EFTPOS.

Yup, no credit card and you can have a wide variety of options.

It's brilliant, I'm never leaving my house on the weekends again.