Who can turn my wooden heart?

Life is full of ups and downs - good days and bad days.

I've had plenty of good days lately, but today I woke up (late, I'd slept in) and just knew it was going to be a bad one.

It's not that work's overwhelming or my friends are being dicks, I'm just over a lot of the drama in my life. I'm over being a right cow about things that really don't concern me, I'm over the gossip and the backstabbing, I've just... had enough.

I want out of that part of me. I've always been prone to a good bitch session or a gossip, but after a while I start to feel sick about it. I pull back, remove myself from the situation and let it be.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what I want, which person I want to be and who I am. Again. I am a constant revision.

I'm slowly coming to some conclusions. Some doors have recently opened that have exposed me to experiences I'd never dreamed of, and in some ways they're making me reevaluate who I am at a very basic level.

There are many choices and doors. Some decisions need to be joint - made with another person and thus, it doesn't pay to think about them too hard right now - but other, deeper, harder questions need answers beforehand.

And that's the hard bit. Sometimes time is a great thing, and space is always good, but at the heart of it I'm going to have to go with my gut feelings, which to be honest, scare me.

Usually I'm happy with what I'm being told deep down. I'm happy with taking risks and usually fairly comfortable with just seeing what happens, but this time, to do what I think is right involves letting go of safety nets and taking leaps I've never made before.

Frankly I'm terrified of it.

But the difference between right and wrong is that right makes you happy, makes you smile. It's not always easy (in fact, it's often hard and to be worked at), but it feels good.

The advice I give other people is to do what makes them happy. I just wish I could take it myself.