Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Three to go

Today marks two years of this project officially complete.

The last month or so has resulted in a boost to my readership numbers so first of all, welcome to anyone who has recently discovered my little corner of the Internet. Having you all around and hearing your reactions to my writing really does help, so thank you for that.

I thought it would perhaps be a good idea to re-examine, or reiterate the goals of this project. It began back in July 2007 as a place for me to blog - something I've been doing in one form or another since 2000 (you can read what's still around in the archives) - and in that very first post I wrote the paragraph that started this whole crazy thing.
Ha, unlikely, the truth is - even though it is a sad truth and I would like nothing more then for it to be untrue - I will probably update on here every day for a week. Then I'll get bored and forget about it - just like everything else.
Committing to something and following through has always been an issue for me. This blog has, in one way, acted to overcome that particular character flaw. A week after I wrote that fateful paragraph, I found I had in fact written every day and, in the interests of proving myself wrong, I made it a goal to keep going. A week after I began this project my flatmate (and best friend) decided to start blogging daily as well and a week after that, so did another friend.

I've tried tracking down the exact day I made the decision to go for 5 years but I can't find it. I did however decide on my 30th birthday as the end date - thus there are two particularly important dates for my little corner of the internet - 18 July, as it is the birthday of the blog itself, and 15 September because it's the official countdown marker - the date on which I can officially cross another year of this project off.

I was the only one of the original three to make such an optimistic promise and also the only one to still be going. I summed up my reasons for blogging every day pretty well back in September 2007.
...just prior to turning 25 I looked back over the last 5 years and realised how much I'd changed and been through since my 20th birthday. I've fallen in love - twice - I've had my heart broken into a million little pieces, I've had depression, anxiety issues, friendships erupt spectacularly to tatters, I've moved cities - twice - had countless flats and flatmates, I've done so much. I'm a completely different person to what I was the night I turned 20.

Alot of my thoughts and feelings from the time were contained at Diary-X (RIP), but obviously I've lost them. I'm better at backing up my blogger posts just simply because I want a record of how I'm going to change over the next five years. I want to be able to look back at the big events, the times I was weak, the times I was strong, the times when I just didn't have anything to say and talked about shit. I want to read that when I'm 30.
More than just wanting to read it when I'm 30, I want to read it when I'm 60. I want to share this with my grandkids. I don't know a lot of things I'd like to know about my grandparents - most of them are things I either can't ask or they won't talk about. I don't want my grandkids to feel like that. If they are interested in who I was, I want them to be able to find out.

Not everything goes into this blog. I tend to avoid discussing other people for instance. I may blog about events and such, and I may blog about feelings set off by others, but I don't discuss other people directly. I never really realised I did it until recently but I like my friends to know they can be themselves around me without the worry that things are going to end up all over the Internet - there are exceptions of course, but I prefer to confront issues rather than get all passive aggressive and use this as a place to 'send a message'. One especially interesting thing I've noticed I do is I keep my romantic life off the blog - I know there are exes who read this blog regularly and, apart from perhaps a funny anecdote, I just don't feel the need to publicise who I'm seeing or what we're getting up to. If I feel the need to write about it, I have other - more private - places for that.

The one thing this blog doesn't have is an actual subject. It's not a music blog, or a relationship blog, or a technology blog, it's all about me. If you don't like me, you won't like my blog because it's completely and unashamedly self-obsessed. I occasionally turn to politics, events, random interesting things, but for the most part it's about me. How I view the world, what I like and what I don't.

This blog is never going to reach a large audience because of that, but I hope that those who do read and enjoy it take something from it. It's my life and I love being able to record and share it.

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